Getting Old

Man I'm getting old! I realize all the time that I'm not as young as I think I am in my head.... haha I guess we all go through this. So I've decided to make a running list of how I know I'm getting old.
1. I actually said the words, "Couches are made for sitting"
2. At my school's talent show I said to my friend, "These kids and their music these days...... If they don't turn it down they are going to bust an ear drum..... I don't even understand the lyrics to what they are singing."
3. I was talking to a student in my office and I said, "You know an old cell phone and a 'Zack Morris' cell phone?" Student said, "Who is Zack Morris?"  In which the only appropriate response was, "The most amazing guy everrrr!!!"

Pregnant Dreams

For you ladies that have been pregnant, you have to know what I'm talking about. For those you getting ready to get pregnant or sometime in the future will be pregnant, listen up. There are many "side effects" to pregnancy that you don't know about until you are here my friends. Some of them are great! For instance, my hair is growing at a rapid pace, and we all remember when I donated my hair for locks of love over a year ago, I'm begging it to grow!! There is a great book I highly suggest to you, Jenny McCarthy's book, Belly Laughs. Entertaining and true!! Don't tell, but Daniel has even read the whole book! lol
So one of the symptoms that I didn't know existed were these crazy dreams. Sometimes horrific and sometimes just plain odd dreams. I have read that it's homorone and anxiety related. I guess if you blend a horomonal woman with anxiety about birth, pregnancy, stretch marks, etc... you get crazy pregnant dreams! Did all you math whizzes catch that?
Last night I was trying out for highschool cheerleader again, at a different highschool. I think I made them up in my dream, our mascot was the wild cat. haha I giggle at myself just thinking about it. In my dream, I had to make up a cheer for tryouts and I think it was getting pretty good until the coach (who looked like a beauty queen) asked me how old I was and I said, "uhhh 25." Which by the way in real life I'm 26, so did I lie in my dream or was I confused.... also weird.
A few nights ago I was a nurse, which at best I have some first aid skills you need a bandage I can stick that on, you need some perxoide to wash out a wound I can pour, you need your ankle wrapped with an ace bandage... that's taking it a little too far. I'll probably cut your circulation off. So me being a nurse is quite the stretch, but in my dream I was and damn good at it. I even wore a nurse hat and outfit from like the 1960's or a sexy Halloween costume. Anyway I was treating this girl that was probably 2 who was addicted to heroine. That was awful. I was trying to break her of this habit and her drug dealers were trying to hurt me and this little girl was crazy. It was sooo weird. I think I dreamed this because they keep showing on access hollywood about that little boy who smoke 2 packs of cigrettes a day in some foregin country.
http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/26/boy-2-smokes-two-packs-a-day/
Which if I talk about that long, this post will turn into a rant or a rave. On to the next dream.
Last week I delievered my own child. That's right I did it myself. First I'm cheerleader, then I'm a nurse, now I'm a doctor. Good news is that labor and delivery didn't hurt, I guess I got the epidural? The nurses were standing around my bed watching my push and I reached down and literally pulled the baby out. Yes I know you are probably grimacing about now, but a dream is a dream and delievery will actually be far more gross than that. So for everyone who will be pregnant in the future prepare to dream crazy shit.

Conversation with a student

a student standing alone outside as I walk by
me: "Matthew, you have a sneaky grin... what are you doing?"
Matthew: "I'm fartin' in the wind."
Me "uhhh.... What?"
Matthew "See those kids down there? The wind blows my farts at them, and I like to watch their faces when they smell it."
haha I love kids!

My Adventure to the Boy's Bathroom

Why do we follow so many culture norms?
If I haven't mentioned yet, I am a school counselor. I absolutely love my job. I have a longer contract than the teachers, so I work during the summer. Today there we're doing reinvations in our main office and had much of it blocked off, not my office of course so I got to come in and work. The main office also houses our private "teacher only" bathrooms, these were blocked off as well. After lunch and 3 diet pepsies later, I had to pee. (Speaking of, what's the pural of pepsi?) This made my adventure to the dun dun dunnnnnn student's bathroom! Yes I know this has been cleaned by the janitors since the students left and most of the germs should be cleaned, but the thought of using something that our unbathed, germy teenagers use makes my stomach cringe. But, when you gotta go, you gotta go.
My walk down the hall was a long one and much to my surprise when I reached the students' bathrooms the girls was closed, locked even! This left my only option to go to the boys. There were no more than 4 people in the whole building so being caught shouldn't have been such a concern, but it was. This is not how we are raised. I felt almost naughty. Could I be arrested for using a boys bathroom when I am a girl? The boy's bathroom looked much like the girls, but somehow I felt like it was dirtier. When I left and was returning to my office I wondered... why do we follow such culture norms? Do they have bathrooms for girls and boys in other countries? Why do women wait in line while the boys stroll through. Why can't we share?
ps if can be arrested for this, let me know.